You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
