After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They took my balls.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
