I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
