haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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