i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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