if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
