I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
