My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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