I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you had me at cake vodka
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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