the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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