I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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