i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
