did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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