Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
