ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
