you would pick up someone in the library
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
