WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
