so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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