Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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