I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
