I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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