Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
