Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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