if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
