So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
