the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
