they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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