I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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