You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize