Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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