I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
