We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
