So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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