mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
