I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
