Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
4 words: hood of his car
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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