he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Couch. On fire.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
