So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
