I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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