Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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