Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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