So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
