How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
