I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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