maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
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I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
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I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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