You're completely useless in the revolution.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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