So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
