shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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