he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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