So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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