then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
