Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
