Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
