i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
