It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
