Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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