I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.