She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.