The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We got so high we made milksteak
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.