Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
