Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
