Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
