Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
