Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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