I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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